Our fiftieth wedding anniversary was just a month away and had caused tremendous excitement at home. Our children and grandchildren had made, and eventually scrapped, various plans for the special day. After rounds of discussions, arguments and even fights, it was finally decided that the entire family will go to the Maldives to celebrate the occasion. The amusing part of all of it was that my wife and I were not asked even once what we would want to do.

So, when at the dinner table my youngest granddaughter, all of ten years, announced the grand plan, I broke her and everyone else’s heart by replying that there’ll be no family holiday. It was my wife’s and my special day, and I wanted to spend this day only with her. My wife, as usual, had no issues with the earlier or the current plan. She was ok with anything. Actually my wife never had any problems with anything at all. She never contested or complained about anything. She was the best wife ever and ours was the best relationship ever. She had been with me through thick and thin, she was my anchor, my support system. I would have never made it to where I am had it not been for her.

So, on the D day I took her out for lunch and then to Marine Drive. We sat there; I looked at her, took her hand in mine and said that she looked beautiful even at 70. She just smiled. Then I asked her, “Do you love me?”

She looked at me for a while without saying a word. Then she just looked at the sea. I was not prepared for this. Her silence made me uncomfortable. I wanted to know what she was thinking. I told her, “Please do not hesitate. Tell me what you feel.”

She looked at me and said, “No.”

I waited for her to say something more. But she kept quiet. I still couldn’t believe that she had replied with a no. I asked her why.

She replied, “I’m old and I’ve no fear or inhibitions now. So, I’ll tell you the truth. I do not love you. I never did. I was very young when my parents got us married. In the first few years itself I made your life mine, your dreams mine. I worked towards giving you everything that you wanted, doing things that you liked. Eventually I realized that what we lived was just your life. Where was my life? Where were my dreams? And what hit me the worst was that you never bothered to know any of this. You were pleased to have everything the way you wanted. Just because I never said anything, you assumed that I’m happy simply being your wife.

Our marriage was always about your family, your job, your problems, your friends. You gave me all comforts in life, lovely children and grandchildren, never ill-treated me, but in return, you took me away from me. I don’t remember the last time I did something I wanted to do, cooked something I wanted to eat, wore something I wanted to wear or went some place I wanted to go. Actually, to be honest, I do not even know my likings any more. Did you ever bother to find out what I wanted to do? What I wanted to become? What I liked? When I wanted children?

You were a dutiful husband, but never a friend, a lover.

I’m very old now and do not have many years to live. Today, can I ask you for something? I want to go to London and stay with our daughter Anoushka for a while. She stays there alone and is travelling most of the times. So, I’ll get enough time for myself. Let me live a few years of my life the way I want to live. I don’t know when will I be back, but yes, I’ll definitely be back”.

I was astounded by the revelation made by my wife of 50 years. Astounded to realize that I never understood her. Never tried to look behind her smile. I simply assumed that she was happy just being my wife and the mother of my children. And worse was, it was too late to make up.

All I could tell her was, “I’ll have the tickets and visa arranged for.”

Neither of us spoke on the way back.

She left for London a month later. It’s been 4 months now that she is gone. We talk on the phone sometimes. Just sometimes. Anoushka says that she has not seen Mumma happier than this. They have been travelling across Europe and are planning to visit Australia soon.

I spent these months looking back at our married life from my wife’s perspective. Suddenly our perfect relationship does not seem perfect any more. Like I said, it was too late to make up. All I could now do was to let her live the rest of her life being Nina and not Mrs. Rathod.