On a hot Sunday afternoon, when I'd taken my dog to the terrace to dry her after her bath, I called up a friend to finish and unfinished conversation. In the course of our conversation we ended up talking about what we call the "commitment issues". On thinking about the conversation later during the day, I was compelled to think that what exactly is it with a man, a woman and commitment. It led to me asking three questions to myself. This post is nothing but my answers (which are strictly my opinion) to my own questions.
Q.1. Is commitment essential?
Ans. Yes, it is. It brings security to a relationship. You know that you are investing your time and your feelings into someone who atleast has the intention of being there with you for the rest of his/ her life. Yes, it is a responsibility, a duty, but then without commitment a relationship moves towards nowhere.
Q.2. Do men fear to commit?
Ans. Yes, most of them do.
Some of them think that commitment would bind the "free bird" in them and therefore want a relationship that has "no strings attached". Then dude, why the hell do you get into a relationship in the first place? You want all the rewards and no penalties (clarification - penalty in their opinion).
Then we have the second category - the good son. In their endeavor of being the ideal sons they use their heads a bit too much (which, I must say, doesn't work too well in these matters) and decide not to commit for the sake of their family. This sacrifice of theirs, which makes them a hero, actually ruins soemone else's life. One can always find a way. But the question is "Do they actually want to find a way?". Yes, they love their girl, but they don't love her enough to fight with the rest of the world for her. To such men I've just one message - if you don't have the b**** to commit, then please don't enter into a relationship.
Q.3. Are women obssessed with commitment?
Not really.
There are some women who want commitment from day one. But that's minority. Most of them wait till the relationship matures to a stage where they feel that the time has come to take the next big step. They are not obsessed with commitment, they just want the assurance of supply of unconditional love for the rest of their lives. And let's be practical, women have tremendous societal pressure, at least in our country, when in comes to these matters. That ends up making them much more serious on commitment issues. And when due to the societal pressures a woman ends up getting married to another man, we have "Devdas(es)" in the making.
So, at the end of answering all the three questions I was sure that commitment is definitely a good thing. And seriously, what's the harm in promising to be there for the rest of your life with a person whom you love and understand and who loves and understands you. Only thing is, men should get more open to it and women should give them a little more time.
4 comments:
Men and commitment.
I think men don't commit because they are not sure. If they were, they won't wait.
Yes, men do want to be a free bird and being in relationship doesn't mean they won't be free. Its just that unlike bikes or boys, girls complain. Complaining is not a problem but then women tend to ask all these questions. Questions like - "do u mean u are sorry or you are just saying it?" , "Do you really love me?"
Well hello! Don't you trust him. Perhaps no. And its this nagging which basically pushes men back and then they just ask to themselves - Am I sure I want to commit to this nagging?
I don't blame gals for not trusting easily but when they do say that they trust u, then why don't u. Men when say, they mean it. Thats why they don't commit till they are sure. Most men are sincere and if you have been long with him you should be smart enough to notice that they are sincere or not.
Now for the category 2: No no no.. these so called mama's boys didn't love you. Had they, they would have taken your side. Its just that you gals didn't realize that he doesn't like you that much. Or may be he didn't like you enough.
Another thing.. fighting the world for a girl doesn't need ba***. Its not that he is in the army and he needs to take on a real enemy. If he wants to, he will. The question is, does he?
I hope that women don't take this as against them but they should know this thing.
To seek commitment explicitly, I feel is loss of trust. It is as if you are asking "Hey, Do you love me?" and taking the answer at face value. If a person is committed,the other one gets to know inherently, a verbose statement is not necessary.
Mama's boys are abhorent creatures and you should be able to identify them quite early and stay away.
I have met a couple, my fathers friend who got married at about 56 years of age, because the girl had the entire family of young brothers and sisters to look after. The guy waited all those years and I am talking about 60's & 70's.
i agree that seeking commitment explicitly is loss of trust. but don't u think its important to express ur love verbally atleast once?
sometimes what u feel about someone else's feeling for u might just be an illusion.
commiting atleast makes u know that the relationship where u r investing ur love is worth it.
Sush! I can do away with commitment if I know that the guy loves me truly.basically for me commitment is not an issue, I believe in living in the moment.if i run for comm, i might as well lose whatever time I am getting to spend with that person.
well, everyone has different perspectives and needs.
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